Opposite of Always Read online

  “I’m glad you did. And that screwup feeling, Jack? I think that’s called youth.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “The fact that you care so much, that’s good, though. That means you’re gonna try hard to not mess up. But you also gotta leave room for your hopes, your dreams, too.”

  “What do you hope for, dream about?”

  “Man, I just want to live.”

  “Like, live life to the fullest?”

  “That too, yeah.” She hesitates.

  “What else?”

  “I want to be an architect.”

  “What made you choose that?”

  She smiles. “You’re gonna think it’s really corny.”

  “No way.”

  “No, you will. And you’ll be right, because it is corny. But . . . I don’t know. Something about the idea of designing something that will be there, still standing, even when you’re long gone. Like, this thing that came from your brain just keeps on being for years and years, for decades, maybe longer, like, somehow that just does it for me.”

  “Okay, that’s literally the least corny thing you’ve said all night. I don’t think you understand what corny means. Like at all.”

  She laughs, leans into me with her shoulder. “Stop.”

  “I’m serious. You’re officially banned from the word.”

  “You can’t ban me.”

  “Okay, maybe not ban, but we definitely have to impose a moratorium.”

  “Oh, do we?”

  “Yep, for like two weeks. You can’t use the word corny.”

  “Hmm. We’ll see about that.”

  “I’m sorry, but the Word Committee has spoken.”

  “Well, I’m filing my appeal.”

  “Noted. The committee will take it under advisement.”

  “Why do I get the feeling this is a committee of one?”

  “The committee does not comment on its membership.”

  “Huh, why am I not surprised?”

  “Strict policy.” I hunch my shoulders, bring the bottle to my lips, but it’s empty.

  “You killed that,” she says.

  “I had help.”

  She shakes her head. “Okay, your turn now.”

  “For?”

  “What are Jack’s hopes and dreams?”

  “Uh-uh, no possible way I can follow after hearing yours.”

  “Just try.”

  “Okay, uh, let me think.” I clear my throat, clasp my hands. “Let’s see . . . uh, I sorta want to write a book, or several books, I guess.” I laugh because hearing the idea out loud sounds preposterous. Like, if the walls could talk they’d be echoing nevergonnahappen nevergonnahappen.

  Except Kate doesn’t flinch. “What kind of books?”

  “Uh, fiction, I guess. Maybe young adult books.”

  “Why young adult?”

  “I’ll tell you, but remember, you can’t say corny, so . . .”

  “Just tell me.”

  “Uh, okay, well, I’ve always loved reading. But there aren’t a lot of books about kids like me. And I just think every kid deserves a book that looks like them. So . . . you can laugh now.”

  “Why would I laugh? You think about lots of things, don’t you?”

  “I tend to overanalyze, yes.”

  “Ha. Me too. I’ve had a lot of time to do nothing but think and think and think.”

  “Lucky thoughts,” I say.

  “Lucky thoughts?”

  “They get to spend all that time with you.”

  Kate shakes her head. “Okay, so that was corny,” she says. Except she stares at me in such a way that, for a moment, I think she might kiss me. I imagine how that would feel—Kate’s lips against mine. And I must’ve zoned out because Kate’s snapping her fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Jack, Earth to Jack,” she’s saying.

  “Huh? Yeah? What?”

  Kate smiles. “I was asking you, I know it’s a little late now but your friend, she got home safe last night, right?”

  “My friend,” I repeat.

  “Your best friend who you were drooling over only hours ago? The one true love of your young adult life?”

  I look up at the sky—have we really talked the entire night?—I barely remember the moon’s being there, and now the sun’s already punched in, a smudge of campfire orange stoked above our heads.

  “Yeah. She went back to the dorm to talk to Franny.”

  “Franny’s the boyfriend?”

  I nod.

  “Your other best friend?”

  I nod again.

  She claps her hands together. “Okay, one last ‘are Kate and Jack even semicompatible as friends’ question, okay?”

  “Shoot,” I say, twisting my body toward her in preparation.

  “Which Godfather movie is your absolute fave?”

  “Uh, that’s a tough one.”

  “It’s not tough at all.”

  “No, it is, because, uh, I haven’t actually seen . . .”

  “Which one haven’t you seen?”

  “Any. Of. Them.”

  You would’ve thought I said I didn’t believe in the moon, the way her jaw drops.

  “You’re kidding, right? We’re watching them ASAP, Jack Attack,” she promises.

  “You name the time and place,” I say.

  “I’m not sure when,” she says. “But sometime in the future, my place.”

  The future can’t come soon enough.

  Behind us, there’s rustling inside the house, signs of life dragging themselves into the kitchen, chairs scooting, cabinets shutting, glassware handled.

  “Come on,” Kate says, standing up.

  “You know these people?” I ask.

  “Just come on.”

  I follow her inside to the kitchen. Last night’s party remnants—plastic cups, stomped-on cheese curls, random wrappers—are strewn everywhere. A girl is slumped in a chair, her blue-blond hair untamed, a bowl of cereal on the table in front of her. A lanky kid with plastic black specs has his face almost inside his bowl. They look up at us.

  “Who are you?” the girl asks, midslurp, not like she’s alarmed, but amused.

  “We’re starving,” Kate says, reaching for the box of cereal. “It’s cool?”

  “It’s cool,” the lanky kid says, wiping away a milk mustache. “Cap’n Crunch for all.”

  Two bowls and two spoons magically appear before us, and I think to myself, Where did this Kate come from? And how can I keep her around?

  After our cereal, we wind up in a car that Kate says belongs to her roommate. Only we don’t actually drive anywhere. Instead, we sit in the lot, taking turns playing music from our phones’ playlists. She thinks my obsession with nineties hip-hop is cute, and she plays me a lot of stuff that I’ve never heard of. That I’m guessing no one has ever heard of. But I love almost all of it.

  “You’re weird,” she says.

  “Uh, thanks,” I say, laughing. “Appreciate that.”

  “In a good way, silly. You’re likably weird.”

  “Likable is good.”

  “Likable is very good, Jack Attack.”

  And somehow, suddenly, the music is even better.

  “So, where do you see yourself in ten years?” I ask her, watching her scroll up and down for the next track. “Like, where do you want to be, and what do you want to be doing?”

  “Man, you’re obsessed with the future,” she says.

  “Lemme guess, you’re one of those people who hates planning? You’d rather live all spontaneous and mysteriously?”

  I say this jokingly, in the same spirit that she and I have batted jokes back and forth all night, only this one never makes it over the net.

  Kate turns off the car, tugs her door handle. “I need some air.”

  “Hey, I didn’t mean to . . .” But she’s already outside, sitting on the rear bumper. I join her. “You okay?”

  “It’s wild, right? How we’re breathing the same air as every human who’s ever
lived? The Queen of Sheba, Anne Frank, Rosa Parks. We come and go, but the air stays the same.”

  I realize she’s purposely ignoring whatever just happened. But I let it go. “Yeah, it’s pretty wild.”

  We walk across campus and it’s quiet. Shadows and old stone buildings stretching across a mile of green grass.

  Kate yawns. One of those fully loaded yawns, equipped with intense arm-stretching and growling.

  “Well, it’s been fun, Jack Attack,” she says. I like that she’s given me a nickname, because it means . . . okay, maybe it means nothing—yet.

  It’s time for us to go our separate ways. Only I’m not ready.

  “What, you’re turning in already?” I challenge with a smile.

  Kate looks at her watch. I also like that she wears an actual watch, rather than just relying on her phone to keep time.

  “It’s only been nine hours, Kate,” I say. “Where’s your stamina?”

  She massages her jaw. “What’d you have in mind?”

  I shrug. “How about I make you an offer you can’t refuse?”

  “You definitely haven’t seen Godfather,” she says, laughing.

  “That bad?” I say, feeling my face warm.

  “Worse,” she says.

  “I can do better,” I assure her. “Kate, howz about I make you . . . howz ’bout I make you . . . Okay, I can’t do better.”

  She laughs harder. “Gosh, how does a lady say no to that?”

  “She doesn’t . . . I hope.”

  Kate smiles through her laughter.

  And all I can think is, God, Jack, please, please, please, don’t screw this up. And then, knowing myself, knowing good things always leave me, At least don’t screw it up so quickly. Hold on, Jack. For as long as you can, hold on.

  “I should really turn in.” She glances at her watch again. “I have a big paper due in less than twenty-four hours, and I haven’t even finished the reading. Plus, don’t you have to get back to . . .”

  “Elytown,” I say. “Elytown Township, technically.” Because I’m nothing if not technical.

  “Right. The township,” she says. She clearly has no idea where that is. “You probably have class, too. And parents?”

  I laugh, wishing I could come off cool and aloof, but knowing I don’t stand a chance. “It’s just high school. No big deal. And my parents are totally cool. Very liberal. Plus, it’s only Sunday morning. We head back this afternoon.”

  “Okay,” she says, grinning. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Jack King. I wish you all the best during your senior year. Enjoy it, okay?” She offers her hand and I take it into mine, in immediate hindsight shaking it a bit too enthusiastically, like I’m a used car salesman closing a deal.

  “I’ll do my best, Kate.”

  “I know you will.” She lets my hand go, turns to walk away. But she stops and swivels partially back to me, her hair cascading over her cheeks. “And Jack?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t be afraid. Take chances. And when those don’t work out, take more.”

  I wonder if she means now. As in, Jack, take a chance on me, on this moment. But I don’t budge. Not a muscle, not an eyelash; somewhere a mime is murderous with envy. Instead, Kate walks into her dorm building, into the glass foyer, and it hits me.

  I pound on the glass and a startled Kate whirls around, her face making a what the hell look. “How do I get in touch with you?” I yell, my lips pressed against the pane, a condensation cloud blooming against the glass.

  She smiles. “Don’t worry. We’ll see each other again.”

  Then, like that, she’s gone.

  And there’s a feeling I can’t shake—

  This isn’t the last time I’ll watch her go.

  Sunday Funday

  My plan is to sneak into the dorm I’m staying in, except I can’t remember the code to the front door, so I have to buzz the intercom and wake up my host, Albert, who has to drag himself out of bed and walk down three flights of cold stairs. He doesn’t even look at me, only cracks the front door enough for me to wedge my foot inside while mumbling something about a massive headache and responsibility.

  I slink back to the room behind him, as he stuffs himself into a three-layer blanket burrito, before collapsing onto my own sleeping bag.

  Except I’m not sleepy. At all.

  My mind a speedway of competing thoughts.

  I nearly call out to Albert, because I want to ask him if he knows Kate—

  And if he does, how much does he know about her?

  Do I have a chance? The slightest?

  I’d be happy with the slightest.

  I’m not picky. Slightest hope is still hope.

  But I hear a thin wheeze coming from deep within the burrito, so I keep my questions to myself. My pocket hums, a text message, and for a second I imagine it’s Kate, that she wants to see me right now, that she’s waiting outside this dorm, homework and a good night’s rest be damned. But of course it’s not her; she doesn’t have my number.

  JILLIAN: Hey, are you asleep?

  ME: Nope. You?

  JILLIAN: Obviously not LOL what are you doing?

  ME: Not sleeping mostly. And thinking.

  JILLIAN: About what? Lemme guess. The person you shared that wine with!!!

  ME: You think you know me or something

  JILLIAN: What’s her name anyway???

  I hesitate before replying.

  ME: Kate.

  JILLIAN: Jack loves Kate, Jack loves Kate

  ME: What grade are we in again?

  ME: Kindergarten?

  JILLIAN: Ha! Just admit you’re in love!

  ME: Did you have fun last night?

  JILLIAN: Yeah, but I wished you and I got to spend more time together.

  ME: You were the belle of the ball.

  JILLIAN: Hardly! I kept looking over at you, thinking we should go for a walk or something. When I was about to finally break free from the kitchen, you were preparing to disappear, Houdini.

  ME: You know I suck at parties. I’m sorry.

  JILLIAN: Don’t be. I’m glad you had a good time.

  JILLIAN: And you don’t suck at parties!

  ME: You talk to Franny?

  JILLIAN: He’s bummed he couldn’t come here with us.

  ME: Yeah. He texted me like twenty times. LOL

  JILLIAN: Only 20? LOL

  ME: A conservative estimate

  JILLIAN: Very conservative, I’m sure. Well, I’m getting sleepy now. Thanks for chatting.

  ME: Anytime.

  JILLIAN: Get some shut-eye, lover boy!! We leave in a few hours!!

  ME: Night, J.

  JILLIAN: Night, J.

  I nearly turn my screen off but instead I tap a blue icon. I hit search, typing in Kate.

  Kate what, though? The cursor blinks at me, impatiently. I don’t remember Kate’s last name. Or if I ever knew it in the first place. I search for “Kate” anyway, adding “Whittier University” to narrow the results, but the Facebook gods are not smiling this morning. Kate remains a mystery.

  The cherry on top? Albert’s only mildly annoying wheeze turns into a full-on death rattle, and I know that his snoring combined with my worsening case of Kate-on-the-brain, I’m not likely to sleep. I stare at the ceiling, and then out the window, wondering if it’s possible that Kate’s doing the same, looking up at a similarly brown-stained popcorn ceiling, eyeing the same sky and early morning sun, thinking about me.

  And I’m not sure when I finally close my eyes.

  I’m not sure about anything.

  “Wake up,” someone is chanting over me. I attempt to crack open an eyelid, but my eye muscles aren’t cooperating. They want more sleep, too.

  “Come on, Jack,” Jillian says. She unzips my sleeping bag. “We’ve got to get on the road. You know my mom is weird about me driving in the dark.”

  “What time is it?” I ask, eyes still closed.

  “Two.”

  “In the freaking morning?�
�� As soon as I ask I realize it doesn’t make sense, but I’m suffering from just-woke-up disorientation.

  “Uh, try the afternoon. Ha, I don’t think you even left the party before two.”

  “Where’s Albert?” I glance over at the avalanche of blankets on the floor beside his bed.

  “Probably somewhere being a functioning human being.”

  “Ugh, my body hurts everywhere.”

  “As it should, lover boy. Listen, jump in the shower, because you smell like a boy, plus you need to wake up. If we hurry we’ll have time to grab food from the student center and gas up before we hit the highway for home.”

  My vision is still blurry around the edges, Jillian hovering over me like a midafternoon angel, her necklace pendant swinging back and forth just above my chin, a silver palm tree I got her for her birthday last year. No one loves the beach more than you. Now you’ll always have it with you, I’d said, watching her unwrap the slender box. She’d made a weird face. A face I hadn’t seen before, which was strange because I was certain that I’d seen all her faces. Total cheesiness, right, I’d said, embarrassed and unable to meet her eyes. But she’d planted the softest kiss on my cheek. The exact opposite of cheesy, she’d said.

  “But we can’t leave yet. I have something I need to do.”

  “Sorry, Charlie. No time.”

  “I promise I’ll be quick.”

  Jillian grins with her entire face. “Jack, us girls don’t like that sorta thing quick.”

  “You’re sick,” I say. I swing my pillow at her, but she ducks, and it sails harmlessly across the room.

  “Shower, Jack,” she barks, hopping to her feet. “And maybe, just maybe, we have a few minutes to stalk your new girlfriend.”

  I’ve never showered quicker in my life.

  Okay, maybe that’s not true.

  But I’ve never showered with purpose quicker in my life.

  “So how do we even find this Kate person?” Jillian says. We’re standing in the quad—at least I think this is the quad. In any case, we’re standing in a busy part of campus. Which seems odd for a Sunday. But what do I know about end-of-the-weekend college life?

  Kids blanket the lawn, reading on tablets, a few holding actual books, a handful talking into their phones. A Frisbee’s whipping back and forth between two guys. A girl effortlessly executes a series of somersaults, and her friends eagerly applaud.